Ang Balita Ayon sa mga Tsismosa sa Tindahan ni Aling Nene: Ex-Future First Lady Korina Sanchez na-Kornihan sa mga Chika ni RG Cruz sa Facebook. Ayon sa blog ni Marichu C. Lambino, naimbyerna ang Lola Korina dahil sa mga iniispluk na mga chorva ni RG Cruz at inireport niya ang mga shoutouts sa pamamagitan ng pagliham sa management ng ABS-CBN. Hindi makapaniwala si Ate Koring sa mga pangyayari at hindi niya malaman kung bakit wiz siya bet ng echoserang si RG. Sabi rin ni her ex-future first lady na mga echoserang mga tsu-tsu sa ABS-CBN ang tsumika sa kanya tungkol sa mga shoutouts. Anyways, tinanong ng aming chikadora, na ngayon ay umaasensong kahera ng tindahan na tinatambayan ng mga tsimosang nag-ispluk sa amin, kung ano ang take nila sa isyu at kung bakit pinatulan ni Ate Koring ang chakang isyu with RG at eto ang kanilang mga haka-haka at feelings sa isyu:

1.) Wit na bet i-add si RG Cruz as Facebook friend si Ate Koring kaya sumama ang loob.

2.) Ayaw i-add na neigbor ni RG Cruz si Ate Koring sa Farmville.

3.) Magka-Barn Buddy sila pero laging ninakawan ni Ate Koring ng harvest si RG kaya imbyernadette si RG.

4.) Isang team lang sila sa Mafia pero nag-declare ng War With Korina si RG dahil ayaw siya padalhan ng wiretap device.

5.) Laging natatalo ni RG Cruz si Ex-Future Lady sa Poker at lagi raw siya sinasabihan na “Korina you’re such a loser.”

6.) Inggit si Ate Koring dahil Plantation na si RG sa Farmville habang yung sa kanila ni Mar ay 14×14 lang.

7.) Ilang beses na raw siya nag-poke kay RG hindi man lang daw mag-poke back.

8.) Lagi raw kasi offline si RG sa chat sa Facebook.

9.) Ayaw raw kasi sagutan ni RG ang “Top 5 Reasons Why Korina Sanchez Should Be The Next First Lady” sa Living Social.

10.) Korina:  “Ha? Ano yung Facebook? Kaya pala hindi siya nagpaparamdam sa Friendster.”

Once upon a privilege speech there was a senator wolf named Ping. Ping is a very tough senator and has been accused to abuse his toughness (i.e. Kuratong, Bubby Dacer, etc.- but these are other stories).  He has cried wolf a couple times and has exposed many wolves due to his speeches.

One day, Ping heard that a wolf named Erap was going to run for President. Ping used to serve Erap, who was once the head wolf, and Ping used to be a trusted wolf of Erap and also made him the chief wolf of the PNP. During Erap’s term as head wolf, there was a loud howl asking other wolves to expose his misdeeds. Wolf Ping never said anything and remained quiet. It was not until a power hungry and gambler wolf Chavit, who prentented to be a lamb, and cried wolf and exposed the head wolf’s involvement in jueteng. A lot of evidences were presented to the Senate Shepherds including a mysterious envelope which caused the head wolf’s ejection from the Presidency and a she-wolf named Gloria came into power (which is another story as well). Former head wolf was incarcerated at his private cage in Tanay, Rizal and was later pardoned by the she-wolf.

Anyways, since former head wolf is seeking to reclaim his lost glory, the wolf senator named Ping has decided to wear his sheep outfit and expose his former boss’ misdeeds. The wolves, the sheeps, and the shepherds ask… why only now? And everyone started to sing Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang Dumating the Pops Fernandez and Freestyle duet version. 

Abangan ang susunod na kabanta (may part 2 raw!).

In the News #1.1

Sen. Panfilo Lacson revealed during a privilege speech former President Joseph Ejercito “Erap” Estrada was involved in jueteng and smuggling. Our chikadora and former ex-stalker chanced an interview with Erap and when asked if he had any knowledge of the numbers game.

Erap: “Uhh, hindi…hindi ako involved sa mga number-number games na yan. What Ping shed ish all ah lie. Alam mo kasi, hirap ako math. It’s hard. That’s why, it is very impossible just like a dream.”

The chikadora also asked Erap if he had expected this bombshell.

Erap: “Uhhh…just the other night Jinggoy came to me and said Daddy may bombshell si Ping para sa iyo. Akala ko yung bombshell na sinasabi ni Jinggoy yung naka-bikini.Napangiti pa nga ako eh at sabi ko pa kay Jinggoy na huwag sasabihin kay Dra. Loi baka mag-selos. Kaya, I was shocked na ibang bombshell pala ito.”

Ang the chikadora just said…”Keri!”

In the same news #1.2

Sen. Lacson claims that there were 3 men who talked to him last week and had requested that he postpone his speech. Sen. Ping refuses to elaborate on what was discussed to him by the three men but our chikadora was able to get an exclusive interview with a resident tsismosa of the Senate  and speculated who the three men were  and what was discussed:

Chavit Singson: “Ping, alam mo naman nagkagalit kami ni pareng Erap. Pero tapos na iyon. Nagkabati na kami. Saka hindi pa tapos yung isang problema ko tapos dadagdagan mo pa. Iyong mga nakubra naman noon, pwede naman natin i-retro.”

Sen. Chiz Escudero: “Ping, pwede ba na pagkatapos na ng 2010 mo isiwalat ang iyong nalalaman sa taong-bayan. Sino na lang ang magiging ka-tandem ko? Ang baba ng ranking ko sa survey. “

Erap: “Ping, this is the former President Erap. I heard you have a bombshell for me. I’m very excited about this. Uhhh… Baka pwedeng wag mo muna ilabas yung bombshell. Pag-usapan muna natin. Baka kasi magalit na naman si Dra.”

In the same news #1.3

The National Artists of the Philippines are worried of the possibility that Sen. Panfilo Lacson  may be nominated as a National Artist for his speech “Ang Dalawang Mukha Ng Sining”. There is no word yet if Sen. Lacson’s work is to be submitted for review to the Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards.

In the same news #1.4

The dynamic duo Donna Villa and the controversial Carlo J. Caparas may co-produce a new movie with Sen. Ping Lacson. The movie is tentatively titled: Ang Dalawang Mukha Ng Sining: The Joseph Ejercito “Erap” Estrada Story (God Save The Philippines).

In the news #2

DILG Secretary Ronnie Puno claims that traffic accidents has increased to 30%- 40%. Sec. Puno has ordered the police to strictly implement speed limits. Our chikadora and now construction worker tried to get a comment with MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando during the installation of a pink railing somewhere in Metro Manila.

Bayani: “Eh, wala naman kasi speed limit. Kailan ba nagkaroon ng speed limit?”

1. Arroyo is scared that The New York Post may again report of her dinners in New York.

2. Martin Romualdez refused to foot another Us$20,000.00 bill.

3. The Arroyo delegation backed-out when they learned that they will be having dinner at a hot dog stand. They also got worried that breakfast will be served in styro packs.

4. The Arroyo delegation backed-out when they learned that Chickenjoy with spaghetti will be served for their dinner at a US Jollibee outlet. Brownies from Goldilocks will be given as dessert.

5. Since PGMA will travel to Saudi Arabia, the delegation had this sudden urge to try Shawarma.

6. Diet daw si PGMA.

In the news #2: Arroyo spokesperson Gary Olivar said that Presidential aspirants should not portray the 2010 elections as a battle between good and evil and reiterates that Mrs. Arroyo had done her best the country in last 8 years. In response to this statement, the opposition has temporarily agreed to unite. The opposition has decided to consult a psychic and summon the ghost of Christmas past and request that it take Gary Olivar and Mrs. Arroyo on a tour on the so-called 8 best years.

In Other Unreliable Press Releases:

1) In efforts to boost ratings, at the same time help cut cost and help voters to decide, competing networks ABS-CBN and GMA are planning to create reality based TV shows just for the 2010 elections.  ABS-CBN plans to bring the Presidential wannabees in “Bahay ni Kuya” where their every move will be monitored 24/7 by hidden cameras. GMA, on the other hand, plans to fly to the aspirants to a remote island and group them into tribes. The COMELEC is still undecided which proposal to accept.

2) Our unreliable chikadora claims that Willie Revillame might have a special role in the 2010 elections. Should the 2010 automated elections fail, a special Hep! Hep! Hooray! episode will be done to identify the clear winner of the election. Eat Bulaga has volunteered Pinoy Henyo as an alternative.

I guess everyone has heard that Acting Justice Secretary Agnes Devanadera has allowed the transfer of convicted rapist Paco Larrañaga to a Spanish prison. Just to review,  it was 1997 when the Chiong sisters Jacqueline and Marijoy were raped and killed and the Philippine court found Paco Larrañaga guilty of the crime.

I do not know how this became possible but one can only suspect that our beloved administration or someone from the administration had a hand with this decision. Of course, Malacanang has denied and claimed that Devanadera was acting on her own.

I honestly do not understand how this all works but what I know is that if you rape and kill a person that’s a crime and I don’t care if you hold a second citizenship. The crime was commited here in the Philippines and he is a Filipino when he commited the crime. Larrañaga can’t just  drop his citizenship just because he was convicted and take up his other citizenship just to escape the miserable life he created.

I wonder if Devanadera believes in Karma. May araw din siya.