SONA

Sunday, July 25, 2010

 

Una nang napabalita na umabot daw sa 30 pages ang unang draft ng SONA ni PNoy. Pero ngayon, ito ay binawasan at naging 15 pages na lang daw at maaring tumagal ng 30 minutes. Kaagad naman pinabulaan ni Erwin Lacierda na naawa sila sa dating Pangulo na ngayon ay Congresswoman GMA kaya umigsi ang speech. 

Nakakuha naman ng unofficial na kopya ng unang pahina ng speech para sa SONA ang aming chikadora na nagpapanggap na manikurista ni Bambi Fuentes. Ilalabas na ng Baliw Balita exclusive…Promise!

1.) “Before I start with my speech, I would like to inform everyone that I am wearing Paul Cabral today. I also would like to thank Liz Uy for making me fresh and Dra. Vicky Belo for keeping me young.”

2.) “I just want to say na whatever decision I have come to, it’s not a spur of the moment decision. Hindi ito nangyari na nagising lang ako isang araw at sinabi ko na “ayaw ko na!” Matagal naming sinubukan. James and I both tried to make this work.”

3.) “Dahil kayo po ang aking boss, pagbibigyan ko po ang inyong kahilingan na ako ay mag-sampol. DJ MOD isa ngang Estudyante Blues!”

4.) “First, I would like to thank Kuya Noy for allowing me to talk about the state of my marriage with James Yap.”

5.) “Before I start my speech, saan ba ang smoking section dito?”

6.) “Gusto ko pong ipaalam sa lahat na kahit gaano ko po kamahal si Shalani, hinding-hindi po ako magpro-propose sa Wowowee.”

7.) “Mr. President, nakikinig po ang publiko sa inyo ngayon. Ito po ang magic mirror, what would you want to say to Filipino people? Before you answer that, magbabalik po ang “The Buzz!”" 

8.) “Sinisigurado po namin na napaka-secure ng lugar na ito ngayon dahil napatupad po ang No ID, No Entry at lahat po tayo ay kinapkapan ng mga security guard. Pasalamatan po natin ang lider ng mga security guard, Congressman Mikey Arroyo!”

9.) “Team Carandang and Team Coloma please step forward. In my hands, I hold the speech I will read in today’s SONA. One of you will be declared the winner, the other must pack their bags and go back to Malacañan.”

10.) “Eto po ang listahan ng mga makakatanggap ng pork barrel. Depende po sa lakas ng inyong palakpak nakasalalay ang inyong budget!”

11.) “Mar, sana tayo na lang. Sana tayo na lang ulit.”

12.) “Nakaligo na ba kayo sa dagat ng basura? Nag-pasko na ba kayo sa gitna ng kalsada? ‘Yan ang tanong namin. Tunay ka bang isa sa amin?” 

13.) “President Noynoy. Sinabi mo noong inauguration mo na “Sa mga nang-api sa akin, kaya ko kayong patawarin, at pinapatawad ko na kayo. Sa mga nang-api sa sambayanan, wala akong karapatan na limutin ang inyong mga kasalanan.” Ang tanong ko lang naman eh, naniniwala ba kayo na nagnakaw si PGMA noong siya ay namumuno? Don’t Lie To Me, Mr. President at nakahanda ang back-up dancers ko.”

 

Kinumpirma ni Chavit Singson na ang kanyang anak na si Rep. Ronald Singson ay naaresto at nakakulong sa Hong Kong dahil sa illegal na droga. Kaagad naman na dineny ni Chavit na tumatakbong “Mayor” ang kanyang anak sa presinto.

 

Hindi raw sisipot sa SONA ang dating Pangulo at ngayon at Congresswoman na si Gloria Arroyo. Ayon sa chikadorang driver ng mga Arroyo, di na raw kailangan ni GMA sa Lunes dahil ayaw na raw na maalala ni GMA ang mga masasayang sandali sa Malacañan. Baka raw kasi ma-miss niya. 

Aalis daw si CGMA at Mike Arroyo papuntang Hong Kong dahil kailangan daw ni Mike Arroyo ipagamot ang kanyang aneurysm. In short, magpapalamig lang muna sila. 

 

Mar and Korina’s Wedding, Jerry Maguire ala Enrile, WowoManny, ATBP.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tipid Wedding (Ep.1)

Sen. Mar Roxas and the love of his life Korina Sanchez promises that it will be a simple wedding. The couple has decided to the donate to victims of Ondoy and Pepeng. The couple has cancelled the reception and has opted to use a padyak as their mode of transportation to the church.

Tipid Wedding (Ep.2)

Kris Aquino, whom Korina Sanchez still has tampo with, promises to still make the Mar and Korina wedding special. Aside from allowing Baby James to be part of the couple’s entourage, Kris has called on Goldilocks to donate a wedding cake, Coca-Cola for the refreshments, San-San for Korina’s Make-up, McDonald’s for the food, Dr. Vivian Sarabia for Mar’s eyewear, Joy Lim of Charms and Crystals for luck, and all those who will attend the wedding will receive goodies from Maggi Magic Sarap, Bench Scents, Casino Rubbing Alcohol, and a copy of the Kris Aquino Magazine and a We Are 1 DVD na nagplatinum na. Libre na rin ang pagkanta ng mga Kapamilya Star Magic Artists. Bonggang-bongga!

 

Tipid Wedding (Ep.3)
Our second-rate, trying-hard PBB reject auditionee and chikadora received an unreliable tsismis as to why Mar and Korina have decided to cancel the reception. According to unreliable sources of our chikadora, this was the only way to ensure Korina that RG Cruz will stay away from the buffet table.

Jerry Maguire: The Enrile Version

Senate President Juan Ponce- Enrile said that they will only grant the P12 billion supplemental budget if the government could prove the fund is available. Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez is reportedly drafting a long memo on how Sen. Enrile can avail of the budget information.

WowoManny?

It is reported that Sen. Manny Villar and Willie Revillame produced an early Christmas concert Dasmarinas National High school in Cavite and format is similar to the noontime TV show “Wowowee.”

Our chicklet (maliit na chikadora) asked Sen. Manny Villar on why he decided to produce a show with Willie:

Manny Villar: “Kung magdesisyon si Willie na tumakbo sa Q.C.and if we don’t win this 2010, at least mayroon nang qualified na pumalit sa kanya sa Wowowee dahil marunong na akong mag-host.Gusto mo ng sample ng giling-giling?”

 

Ang Gulay…Bow! (Ep. 1)

Agriculture Secretary Arthur Yap said that vegetables is unable to reach Metro Manila due to the devastation of Pepeng in Northern Luzon and Central Luzon. Prices have increased five times of its original cost. The Department of Agriculture is trying to source vegetables from Visayas and Mindanao. Meanwhile, in an unreliable news report by our tambay na chikadora sa labas ng Malacañang, the government is also trying to source the best steaks in New York just in case magka-ubusan ng gulay sa Metro Manila.

Ang Gulay…Bow! (Ep. 2)

Baliw Balita has received unconfired and hindi mapagkakatiwaan na press release that the Department of Agriculture has warned the group PETA (People for the Ehical Treatment of Animals) to refrain using vegetables during protests and advertisments until everything is back to normal. 

Romulo Favors Noy and Good News and Bad News

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Willie as VP, Mar Loves Noy, and Mikey A.

Monday, September 21, 2009