Ang Commercial ni Noynoy

Friday, October 30, 2009

Noynoy’s Political Ad: Hindi Ka Nag-Iisa

Nakita niyo na ba ang latest na political ad ni Noynoy?!  Bongga ang pagkakagawa ng MTV dahil sa dami ng artista at hindi maiiwasan na isipin…hindi ba ito bagong teleserye ng ABS-CBN? Biruin mo may theme song na inawit ng Asia’s Songbird Regine Velasquez, may setting, cool ang cinematography, at may pass the light effect. Lumipat na ba si Marian at Dingdong at kung lumipat man sila paano na si Karylle? Nasaan si Papa Piolo? Bakit si Bea Alonzo lang at nasaan si Sam at si John Lloyd? Si Kuya Boy ba talaga yun or si Bhoy ng NNNN? 

Okay, so na-establish na natin na ito na ang pinaka-engrande at pinaka-bonggang political ad na nakita natin para sa 2010 elections at sana lang huwag lang gumaya si Noynoy kay Chiz pagkatapos i-launch itong commercial na ito. Magandang panimula para sa kampanya ni Noynoy ang “Hindi Ka Nag-Iisa” dahil unang-una hindi siya nanira o hindi niya tinira ang ibang mga nangangampanya. Pangalawa, maganda ang mensahe ng MTV kung saan tinatawag nito ang call for unity for a positive change at kung magtutulungan daw tayo ay hindi tayo mag-iisa. Bongga!

I’m sure patikim lang itong commercial na ito at marami pang susunod na mga commercial tungkol kay Noynoy ang lalabas. Kung ako ang tatanungin, gusto ko next level na ang commercial. Ayaw ko na siguro makakita ng artista sa susunod na mga commercial. Gusto ko sigurong marining ang mga sumusunod:

1) Ang mga long term and short term plans niya para Pilipinas

2) Ano ang gagawin niya para ma-mobilize ang mga Pilipino tungo sa positive change na hinahangad niya?

3) Mga plano para panagutin ang mga kurakot sa pamahalaan

 Ang ayaw ko na marinig sa susunod niyang mga commercial:

1) Mas malaking suweldo

2) Mas maraming trabaho

3) Wala nang trapik

4) Mas maraming paaralan

5) In short,  mga pangakong napangako na ng ibang pulitiko na napako na. 

Ikaw, ano ang gusto mong makita o ayaw mo makita sa susunod na mga political ads? Mag-react na! Now na!

 

Dear Erap

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Dear Erap,  

May nasagap akong balita. Nagpromise ka raw na ito raw ang huli mong performance. Sabi ko, panahon na siguro para mag-retire ka na. Ang iniisip ko gusto mo nang magpahinga at magbigay ng mas maraming oras sa pamilya mo. Sabi ko sa sarili ko baka suportahan kita dyan sa last mong project dahil mukhang promising at mukhang magiging patok ang script at bongga ang line-up. Nagkamali pala ako.

Akala ko kasi, premiere night yung ginawa mo sa Tondo. Sabi ko, ang aga naman mag-promote ni Erap ng pelikula niya eh medyo may kalayuan pa ang MMFF. Hinahanap ko tuloy sina Ai-Ai, Aling Dionesia, Toni Gonzaga at lalo na si Sam Milby pero ang nakita ko lang ay si Dra. Loi, si Jinggoy, at si Mayor. At nung sinabi mo na tatakbo ka ulit bilang Presidente, ayun nagising ako sa katotohanan. Nalaglag kasi ako sa upuan ko at sinisisi kita sa malaking pasa ko sa pwet.

Dahil sa pag-declare mo na ikaw ay kakandidato ulit bilang panggulo,este, pangulo ng ating bansa, nagbalik sa akin ang ilang mga aral na siguro natutunan din ng ibang Filipino mula sa iyong 2 taong panunungkulan bilang dating Pangulo ng bansa:

1.) Not all is charisma- Hindi babae si charisma, Erap. Pero aaminin ko, iba talaga ang hatak mo sa masa kapag ikaw na ang humaharap. Kahit paika-ika ka pang lumakad, tumingin ka lang sa camera ay mahuhulog na ang loob ng tao sa iyo. Akala nila kasi ikaw pa rin si Asiong Salonga. Patunay na dyan ang maraming naging karibal ni Dra. Loi sa iyo. Pero dahil sa iyo, natutunan namin na dapat nag-iisip din pala ang iboboto naming pangulo at huwag kaming boboto kung sangkatutak na mga adviser ang mag-iisip para sa iyo.

2.) The pen is mighter than the sword- Kaya nga nasara ang Manila Times at pilit mong ipina-boboycott ang Inquirer ay dahil madalas ka nilang batikusin. Sabi nga ng nanay ko, when there’s smoke, there is flame and when there’s flame something is roasting like chestnuts on an open fire. 

3.) Mahalin mo ang nanay mo- Seriously, isa ito sa mga matinding natutunan ko sa iyo. Dahil when everything else fails, siya lang ang magmamahal sa iyo. Kahit humaba pa ang ilong mo katulad ni Pinocchio, walang kupas ang pagpapatawad at pagmamahal ng isang ina dahil ang mga itinuturing mo na mga kaibigan ay maaring may tinatago na listahan ng mga hindi mo pagbalato ng mga kubra sa jueteng at pasasabugin na lang sa impeachment hearing.

4.) Keep your friends close and your enemies closer- dahil baka magising ka isang araw at eto na ang mga eksena- a) the VP is now the President, b) ang dati mong PNP Chief ay nagprepress release tungkol sa mga illegal activities mo, and c) ang BFF mo ay BFF na ng VP mo. Biruin mo trendsetter ka rin pala dahil nauna pa kayo ni Chavit kay Paris Hilton at Nicole Ritchie.Pero naaalala ko may video scandal ka rin na kumalat noon. Hindi nga lang kasing vulgar noong kay Paris at Hayden pero naaalala ko ang eksena ay naglalaro ka sa casino o nagsusugal habang ikaw ay nakaluklok na Presidente ng bansa.

5.) Be a liver lover, boy!- Nakakasama raw sa atay ang malakas na pag-inom lalo na kapag madalas kang uminom tuwing madaling araw kasama ng ilang sa iyong mga cabinet members and advisers. Nakakasama rin ang labis na pag-inom dahil nauuwi ito sa pagkalasing at pagbroadcast ng mga maiinit na chismis na dapat ikaw lang ang nakakaalam.

6.) Hindi lahat ng white sand maganda- hindi pa uso ang wave pool noon, pero salamat sa iyong Boracay mansion at pag-expose ni Karen Davila habang nakasakay sa chopper nakita namin na bongga pala ang wave pool lalo na kapag napapaligiran ito ng white sand. At dahil sa iyo, pumutok ang mga 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, at infinity pools sa mga resorts sa Pilipinas at siyang paboritong tambayan ng mga Pinoy tuwing summer. Pero ang tanong, saan nga ba nakuha ang perang pampagawa ng Boracay mansion na ibibigay mo lang kay Laarni?

7.) May mga hidden talents pala ang mga Senators-  nang dahil sa isang mahiwagan envelope na ayaw mong pabuksan na-realize ko na marami palang fall back ang mga Senators kapag natalo sila sa eleksyon. Si Tessie Oreta pwede pala maging dancing diva at si Loren Legarda ang next teleserye princess ang leading man niya ay si Franklin Drilon dahil effective sila umiyak sa TV. 

8.) You need to have faith with the justice system- dahil na-convict ka sa kasong plunder at kahit papaano naniniwala ako na kumikilos pa rin ang kamay ng hustisya kahit kinakalawang na ito. Iniisip ko tuloy, kapag nanalo ka ba ipapakulong mo rin ba si GMA at bibigyan mo rin ng pardon tapos tatakbo ulit si Gloria bilang Pangulo tapos ipakukulong ka niya ulit tapos ipapardon ka niya tapos tatakbo ka ulit tapos…ah ewan!

Erap, you had the chance to prove yourself to the Filipino people that you can be a “President” who can lead us to better times and to a better life. Ang problema sinayang mo ang mga pagkakataon na dumating sa iyo. Hindi ikaw ang dapat mag-tama ng mga mali ng nakaraang administrayon dahil wala kang moral compass to correct whatever needs to be changed. Hindi ka lang sa alak nalasing kung hindi pati sa kapangyarihan ng pagiging isang Pangulo ng bansa sampu ng iyong cabinet members at advisers. Also,  you can never be a Ronald Reagan because you are not Ronald Reagan. Erap, you have to realize that you are better off as King of the Masses in Philippine Cinema than President of the Filipino people. Tama na. It’s time to retire from politics and just start promoting Ang Tanging Pamilya.

Labis na gumagalang sa iyong pag-aartista at hindi sa iyong pagiging pulitiko,

 Baliw Balita

(Courtesy note: Image from the book The Fall of  Joseph Estrada by Amando Doronila)

Mar and Korina’s Wedding, Jerry Maguire ala Enrile, WowoManny, ATBP.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tipid Wedding (Ep.1)

Sen. Mar Roxas and the love of his life Korina Sanchez promises that it will be a simple wedding. The couple has decided to the donate to victims of Ondoy and Pepeng. The couple has cancelled the reception and has opted to use a padyak as their mode of transportation to the church.

Tipid Wedding (Ep.2)

Kris Aquino, whom Korina Sanchez still has tampo with, promises to still make the Mar and Korina wedding special. Aside from allowing Baby James to be part of the couple’s entourage, Kris has called on Goldilocks to donate a wedding cake, Coca-Cola for the refreshments, San-San for Korina’s Make-up, McDonald’s for the food, Dr. Vivian Sarabia for Mar’s eyewear, Joy Lim of Charms and Crystals for luck, and all those who will attend the wedding will receive goodies from Maggi Magic Sarap, Bench Scents, Casino Rubbing Alcohol, and a copy of the Kris Aquino Magazine and a We Are 1 DVD na nagplatinum na. Libre na rin ang pagkanta ng mga Kapamilya Star Magic Artists. Bonggang-bongga!

 

Tipid Wedding (Ep.3)
Our second-rate, trying-hard PBB reject auditionee and chikadora received an unreliable tsismis as to why Mar and Korina have decided to cancel the reception. According to unreliable sources of our chikadora, this was the only way to ensure Korina that RG Cruz will stay away from the buffet table.

Jerry Maguire: The Enrile Version

Senate President Juan Ponce- Enrile said that they will only grant the P12 billion supplemental budget if the government could prove the fund is available. Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez is reportedly drafting a long memo on how Sen. Enrile can avail of the budget information.

WowoManny?

It is reported that Sen. Manny Villar and Willie Revillame produced an early Christmas concert Dasmarinas National High school in Cavite and format is similar to the noontime TV show “Wowowee.”

Our chicklet (maliit na chikadora) asked Sen. Manny Villar on why he decided to produce a show with Willie:

Manny Villar: “Kung magdesisyon si Willie na tumakbo sa Q.C.and if we don’t win this 2010, at least mayroon nang qualified na pumalit sa kanya sa Wowowee dahil marunong na akong mag-host.Gusto mo ng sample ng giling-giling?”

 

Ang Gulay…Bow! (Ep. 1)

Agriculture Secretary Arthur Yap said that vegetables is unable to reach Metro Manila due to the devastation of Pepeng in Northern Luzon and Central Luzon. Prices have increased five times of its original cost. The Department of Agriculture is trying to source vegetables from Visayas and Mindanao. Meanwhile, in an unreliable news report by our tambay na chikadora sa labas ng Malacañang, the government is also trying to source the best steaks in New York just in case magka-ubusan ng gulay sa Metro Manila.

Ang Gulay…Bow! (Ep. 2)

Baliw Balita has received unconfired and hindi mapagkakatiwaan na press release that the Department of Agriculture has warned the group PETA (People for the Ehical Treatment of Animals) to refrain using vegetables during protests and advertisments until everything is back to normal. 

Hidden Mikey, GMA’s Ratings, and Other Stories

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Case of the Hidden Mikey…Arroyo

Brownouts hit Marikina, Mandaluyong, Pasig, and some areas in Quezon City, San Juan, and Rizal. According to Meralco, a transformer of the National Grid Corp. caught fire and thus resulting in the blackouts. As soon as press got hold of this news, the President’s son Mikey Arroyo has immediately denied allegations that he was in a liquor store during the incident.

Our chikadora, a survivor from the Ondoy devastation, managed to get a statement from Mikey Arroyo:

Mikey: “Hindi po ako bumili ng alak during the brownout. Promise! You can even talk to my lawyers.”

Tubig!!!

Due to the Typhoon Ondoy, residents in Ayala Alabang, Muntinlupa has been having water problems. Maynilad Water Services Inc. promises of full water supply by this weekend as they have been working round the clock on the filtration plant and deepwells which was damaged by Typhoon Ondoy. Maynilad however denied allegations that they have recruited children to assist them in repairs.

Our social-climbing chikadora has obtain an unreliable press release from Manynilad:

“Maynilad Water Services Inc. is aware of reports circulating around Ayala Alabang Village and denies that we have been involved in child labor. Please be informed that Tang Orange Juice will not be flowing out of your faucets. As in, wala po talaga!”

Gloria and SWS #1

SWS has just released a new survey on Arroyo’s satisfaction survey. Survey results show, Arroyo’s rating seemed to recede faster than the flood in Malabon, Marikina, Pasig, Rizal. and Laguna.

Gloria and SWS #2

A Pinoy Chuva volunteer Chikadora was able to gather unconfirmed text messages which were forwarded by her tsismosang kapitbahay. The following text messages are immediate responses to GMA’s latest satisfaction survey:

Mikey: “Ma, don’t believe the survey. This is another malicious attack on you. It is so depressing. Kung gusto nila, let them talk to our lawyers.”

Mar: “Alam ko na ayaw mo sa akin. Pero hayaan mo sabihin ko sa iyo na I can relate to your low survey score. Napagdaanan ko na yan. ‘Ramdam ko kayo’.

Alberto Romulo #1: “I am supporting you, Noynoy.”

Cesar Mancao: “And now, the end is near…”

Alberto Romulo #2: “Ma’am it was a wrong send. What I wanted to say was, I will support you until the end of your term. Kahit 2010 pa!”

Martin Romualdez: “Ma’am, let’s just have dinner at Le Cirque. It’s on me. I heard the steak is good enough to make you forget your problems.”

Prospero Pichay: “Ma’am, ang survey sa Metro Manila lang at ABS-CBN ramdam. Maybe the next survey you’ll get five or six percent.”

Gibo Teodoro: “Ma’am, we can just probably say that your devastating ratings was caused by Ondoy.”

Bayani Fernando: “I can probably help you bring your ratings up. Pero, gawin mo muna akong VP ni Gibo.”

 

Noy-Mar Live In Negros

Sen. Noynoy Aquino and Sen. Mar Roxas were welcomed in Negros Occidental last Thursday. The Noy-Mar tandem was overwhelmed by the crowd and even signed autographs and even posed for pictures.

Our fly-by-night chikadora asked around Negros how they felt on seeing Noy-Mar. Here are some of the responses received:

1. “Sabi kasi sa amin darating si Aquino at may show daw. Akala naman namin si Kris.”

2. “Nasaan sina Papa Piolo, Marian, at Baby James?”

3. “Sayang, akala namin may pa-premyo na padyak!”

4. “Hindi kasi nag-Papantene si Noynoy. Tsk!”

_______________________________________________________________________

Personal Note:

I’m definitely back. I had to temporarily cease poking fun and help out in relief efforts for victims of typhoon Ondoy. Hope everyone will remain safe. Kaya natin ‘to!

 

 

 

 

 

Staying Safe From The Storm

Friday, October 2, 2009

 So, hindi na talaga mapipigil at ayaw talagang magpapigil ni Typhoon Pepeng. Para lang yang si Pichay na hindi nagpapigil na magpaparty habang lahat ng tao ay nagpapakahirap na tumulong sa mga biktima ni Ondoy. Pero nagpapasamalat na rin ako at hindi naipangalan kay Pichay ang bagyong paparating at kung hindi baka mas malaking delubyo ang mangyari.

Since paparating na rin lang naman si Pepeng, dapat na tayong maghanda kung sakaling malaking kapahamakan ang maidulot niya sa ating bansa. Heto ang ilang mga bagay na dapat natin gawin habang winewelcome natin si Pepeng:

Inside your home:

1)Prepare an emergency personal kit using ‘timba’ or ‘orocan’ and should contain at least the ff:

a. candles and matches
b. flashlight/ rechargeable lamps
c. batteries
d. ready-to-eat meals (biscuits, canned goods, doy pack meals, spreads, bread)
e. first aid essentials
*Agua Oxinada (wound cleanser) or Betadine
*Band-aid
*Medicines (Paracetamol, Ibuprofen, Loperamide, Neozep or Decolgen, Antihistamine, Oral Rehydration Salts, and prescribed medicines by your doctor)
Multivitamins (preferrably vitamin C)
f. extra clothes
g. bottled water
h. blankets
i. transistor radio

2)  Have enough cash for emergency use. Withdraw cash if needed.

3) Recharge your mobile phones and conserve the battery. Use only for important text messages or phone calls. Also, save these emergency and rescue numbers on your mobile phone:

National Disaster Coordinating Council (NDCC) Emergency Numbers:
912-5668
911-1406
912-2665
911-5061

Philippine National Red Cross
143
527-0000

MMDA
136

Philippine Coast Guard
527-6136

Meralco
16211
0917-5592824
0920-9292824

NRCPO (rubber boat requests)
838-3303

DZMM
DZMM<space>React  and send to 2366

DZBB
Super<space>BB<space>comment<space>name and send to 2299

4) Develop and create an emergency family plan.

5) Make sure to turn off the main power supply and unplug and secure all power cords.

6) Make sure the gas tank is off.

7) Turn the refrigerator and freezer to the highest setting as power supply can be interrupted during a storm.

8) Store essential items in waterproof storage (i.e. passport, birth cerftificate, ATM, ID, etc.)

9) Move electronic items (i.e. laptop, stereo, DVD player, etc.) to a place where it can’t be reached by water.

Outside your home:

1) Secure your windows.

2) Bring in any outdoor item that can be blown away and cause damage or injury

3) Clean gutters and drainages and remove any item that can prevent water flow.

4) Never go out during a storm. Storms with very strong winds can tear roofs, uproot trees, damage electric wires, etc. Stay indoors and stay safe.

The only thing to do in and out of your home:

1) Pray for safety and pray for others.